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AM I INDEPENDENT or DEPENDENT? – Ways of Becoming a Grown Up….


” Maturity is not an age. Every one gets older but not every one becomes mature.” : – A quote used by most life coaches.

Am a student who falls under the Ministry of Higher Learning, this means that am in one of our Local Tertiary Institutions here in Kenya..and to quench your thirst for those dying to know, you will have to read about ME…to spare the rest of the readers cliches of my this and that.

Now that that is done , let’s move back to where I was earlier before you became thirsty. Am a student, and as one, am encountered on a daily routine with some stuff and hustles that always make me run back to mama(being the only parent I have around) for that shoulder to lean on; be it the fee, pocket money, motherly advice and I presume the rest you know, it is not as if am the only guy who’s been a STUDENT so you better stop acting up like you’ve never been one before.

A time has come and I no longer feel free to share my thoughts with mama, it seems like a bother although I know she’s willing to care if I shared the problem – I mean there is nothing that could compare to a parents love.

But some;
Questions have been barging my mind over the past few months, questions of whether I may survive on my own if mama was to leave and never come back, not dying or anything of sort but what if she wasn’t there? was I ready to survive on my on? Am I mature enough to Leave on my own? AM I INDEPENDENT or DEPENDENT?

But listen;
Growing up is not about defying your parents. They can still help you on your path to independence.

Something hit me and it did hit hard, and the thing was I needed to re-DEFINE myself….and I need to help you redefine yourself to; here are some of the KEY things I have come to learn if at all you want to be INDEPENDENT and if you want to Feel FULLY GROWN;

First You Have To;

1. Become financially independent.

It will be difficult because parents have a natural instinct to provide for us. Just politely decline when they offer financial help. It is tempting to depend on others financially, but before you experience independence, you must be independent. Start on a career path. Experiment with different careers and find the one that you enjoy most. If money makes you happy, be an investment banker or start a small business. If you like kids, be a teacher. If you like being an expert, be a lawyer, professor or consultant. If you enjoy talking to people, be a salesperson or go into the services industry. The majority of students end up in careers unrelated to their major. Some people do not get far in formal education and end up millionaires. Working in a career that you enjoy is a part of becoming a mature person. Living on part-time jobs is a sure sign of refusing to grow up. It means you’re either lazy, not mature enough to make real life decisions, or you still think life is supposed to be a fairy tale where you don’t have to work hard and things will just fall in your lap.

2. Become emotionally independent.

Chances are, you depend on many people for emotional support. It may be your parents, a boy or girl friend, or good close friends. Although it is possible to continue to depend on these people for the rest of your life, it is in your best interest to realize that everyone in your life that you depend on will one day no longer be around. Some will move away, some will stop talking to you, and they all will eventually die. The only person that who will always be with you is you. If you depend on yourself for support, you will never be let down.

3. Stop being selfish (if you are not selfish, skip to the next step).

Up until now, you have been given a lot of stuff unconditionally. No matter how badly you perform, your parents, friends and our high school significant others are proud of you and support you. No matter how much you yell at them, they always come back. They give without expecting anything in return. You may start to realize that the real world does not work that way. Now you must give before you can receive. You must treat your friends and romantic interests well or else they will not want to see you any more.–
4.Stop being a doormat (if you are selfish, skip this step).

Up until this point, you always had plenty of friends. You give unconditionally. When they need someone to talk to, you were always there. When they needed something, you always helped out. When they made mistakes, you were always willing to forgive and forget. You do these things because you care. You may start to realize that your old technique of giving unconditionally does not work any more. You must start expecting a certain amount in return for all that you do. Otherwise, some people will take advantage of you and some might feel sorry for you and not want to be around you, some will, but many won’t.

5. Realize that life isn’t fair.

Just because you deserve something does not mean you will get it. You may be the perfect student, yet your professor may still fail you. You may be the perfect employee, yet your boss may never promote you. You may be the perfect spouse, yet your partner may still leave you. Realize and accept these things as a fact of life. Keep your goals in sight, stay happy, and do not let the unfairness of life demoralize you. Life is hard and everyone else has had to overcome obstacles, why can’t you seem to figure it out?

6. Mean what you say and say what you mean.

You will have a very hard time in life if people can’t believe what comes out of your mouth. “Your Word” should always be backed up by “Your Actions” so if you don’t plan on doing something then don’t say that you will.

7. Treat people with respect.

Treat people the way you want to be treated. If you don’t have respect for others, they will most likely lose the respect they have for you. It may not always come back to you but you will get a lot farther in life and be much happier.

8. Take responsibility for yourself.

If you make a mistake, own up to it and learn from it. Hiding it or blaming it on someone else is another sign that you have not grown up yet. If you choose to do something that results in bad consequences, don’t try to say it was someone else’s fault. When you do something that results in good consequences, you won’t want to blame someone else then will you? You are your own person and make your own choices. Other people can influence your choice but in the end it is still YOUR choice and YOUR consequence, good or bad.

9. Plan for the future of your parents/siblings.

While it’s okay if you need to move back into your parents home when young, as long as you’re not a hindrance or if your parents are not in good health, but a crutch isn’t permanent. Don’t worry your time will come to take care full for them.

***My Last Words for you:-
” You are the star witness to your own worth. If you believe that you are worth while, people will take that into account. If you do not like yourself, people will take that into account as well.”

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